and the lord saith unto me, "hey child, stay wild"

naive

2009-01-17T02:47:00.000-06:00

I’ve been fooled

By your lies

For the first time

My soul been raped

With your malice

For the first time

My mind fucked

By you- bigots

For the first time

I’m crying

For the first time

Once again

lunatic on a fringe

2008-09-20T17:53:00.001-05:00

I am lunatic on a fringe
Trying to disconnect
A shattered mind
Apathetic to reconnect
I am already guilty
Already a perp
But I choose not to care
‘Cos to these crazy eyes
You are all lunatics unleashed

blame me

2008-07-28T21:22:00.002-05:00

the touch of gray in your blue sky, me
the worm inside your warm heart, me
the nightmare in your sweet slumber, me
the lonely night in your happiness, me
the bleak in your incandescence light, me
the screech in your soft whisper, me
the cry in your heartfelt smile, me
the wrong in your perfect right, me
everything that's not to be
it’s me , it’s me
blame me blame me blame me
but you can’t kill me

hail,hell

2008-07-23T15:33:00.001-05:00

A factory of identical factories

Of human emotions

Everything’s produced in large amount

In batches after batches

Thousand different faces

exactly the same

Another restless kid

Just a faceless face

Another cruel murder

Of another high hope

A mass slaughter house

Of lofty dreams

And everything that counts

Welcome to the

Other side of america

Welcome, it’s your

American dreams

Old man and her son

2008-05-01T22:51:00.004-05:00

There will be infinite starry nights
And eternal sadness
Sometimes you need to hold on
Sometimes move on
When you think the worst for you is unfolding
Exponentially
When you feel you are lost
In the core of hopelessness
And gripped by the cunt of worthlessness
Hold on
'Cos sometimes you need to
Don’t be afraid to make
Don’t be afraid it will break
Though it seems what’s unmade can never break
You break yourself
Don’t fear to fall
Don’t fear it will hurt
Though it seems only those fools who dare to rise
Are destined to fall
You fall in your eyes
Don’t hesitate to err
But try not to err the same err
Though it seems only stupids wrong
You become them
Don’t vacillate to taste
The sweet of love
Fearing the wrath of fate
Though it seems only who loves lose
You will lose yourself
My child, I want you to heed my dying call
I want you my sweet one
To be not like us

love Poem pt.3 (your last love)

2008-04-24T03:27:00.002-05:00

We had our last conversation over the phone
Oh the terror
Of her tremor
She said, you smoked my love like a cigarette
And crushed my faith like its butt
I knew she was not complaining
Just regretting, maybe just regretting
I screamed, you, you believe them sons of bitches
But then I backed up
Took a deep breath
And wore the fake calm in my voice
I said, yea I did but you were nicotine less
Could not get me habituated
And I finally said, oh well since you know it all
Let’s call it over
She said, nevertheless, I will always love you
I thought I have to say this
So I said, you never loved me babe
Love is not to pray
I am not your god
You were not my slave
And I am sorry, for you were just another prey
So it was over
Over the phone
I continued with my smoke and my rum
Till the bottle got empty and the throat sore
Drank one more and fell to the floor
Woke up to the sound of her phone
I thought, not again
The voice at the other end was cold as fuck- can’t be her
The lady said, sir, your wife is dead
I smiled
Soft luxurious smile

Love poem pt.2 (i wish)

2008-04-17T00:56:00.002-05:00

I wish my love, you to die

And the sun, to vapor your thigh

I wish my disease, you to die

And the sand, to cover the sockets

That once held your eyes

I wish my love, you to die

And the worms, to feast your mind

To their despair, vile will all they find

I wish my disease, you to die

Better sooner than forever never

For if you do not die

I shall not be loved

I can not ever love

gibberish

2008-04-13T03:21:00.003-05:00

voices… head…good …evil…runaway…runtowards…erase…revive…trust…lust….lost…love …hate…hate...eternal debate…sweet revenge

how does it feel

2008-04-09T21:20:00.014-05:00

how does it feel
when dozen gorgeous women
heat your bed
but none lush your soul
how does it feel
to have best of friends
who in the name of friendship
can only drink beer and watch tv
how does it feel
to be filthy wealthy
but of inherited rich
how does it feel
to own big big mansions
but zero home
how does it feel
to have a mega mind
but only ignoble thoughts
how does it feel
to be percived god
but out of a false myth
how does it feel
to sleep a good nights sleep
but on barbiturates and pills
how does it feel
to seal a burning wound
by an itching stich
how does it feel
to have everything
but nothing

Love poem

2008-04-07T18:00:00.004-05:00

Put your trust
And your faith
In me
And my love
Share your dreams
And your hopes
With me
My love
soothe your pain
and your heartstrain
with this kiss
and its bliss
Kill your fear
And your tear
Please dear
I am always there
(I will always be near)

i dedicate this poem,with all my heart, to all those who were tired of my dark writings.

The ghost of time

2008-04-07T15:26:00.002-05:00

dont dwell on the past
its so dead
sweetest memories are not there to feed you
it will only bleed you
dont dwell on the present
its so dull
you were brighter than a thousand angel
you were brighter than them all
dont dwell on the future
its unborn yet already dead
on unholy sperm, your future's born
abortion
my word of caution
abortion
the only option

Voices

2008-04-07T15:23:00.004-05:00

now who will buy your lie
she who lie in your bed
or me who cry in your head
and what if both of us die
leaving your serpentine heart bonedry
even worse,
what if louder-the voices in your head cry
and what if if you could never fly
no matter how hard you try
you had told me honey
but i never believed
never believed that love could zip by
in a blink of an eye
my sweet, say goodbye
let's not even try
cause the end draws nigh

Never

2008-04-07T15:21:00.003-05:00

if you ever feel sheltered
and you feel home
and your soul starts to freely roam
the streets in the moon
humming them heartfelt tune
if you ever feel so secure
and you feel whole
and if you ever feel this is it
this is where you belong
look around; look within
it's time to put on the cynic's cap
casue its nothing like it is
cause its never like what it seems

Ignoble me

2008-04-07T15:20:00.003-05:00

we laugh nakedly
we believe we smile
we glitter with pride
we reflect the inner fright
we are the disco light
too much commotion makes us bright
we appear insanely calm
believe us, it’s easy with a frozen heart
we are hideously beautiful
and a louder fool
we is me
just another ignoble she

Prayers to rain

2008-04-07T15:18:00.002-05:00

dear rain, please don’t rain
cuz there’s too much filth in my brain
you wont be able to make them drain
dear rain, please don’t rain
cuz you can’t wash away my dust
you will only make it rust
dear rain, please don’t rain
cuz you can’t wash away my pain
you will only leave the stain
dear rain, please don’t rain
cuz I don’t want you anyway, dear rain

scientific utopia

2008-04-07T15:16:00.001-05:00

to the mall
grand vending machine
red turns green
emotions produced
reproduced
bought ‘em all
disgust...panic
aversion…dejection
contempt…guilt
little love…little elation

Broken

2008-04-07T15:09:00.005-05:00

Broken inside, I lie
Anything wrong boy
You been sleeping all day long
Am all right, I lie

(Said but not spoken)
I am full of lies
And full of flies

And why tears in those eyes
Oh that, I accidentally hurt my eyes
And where’s the bloom in your face
Before, it always resided there

(Said but not spoken)
Fuck you pa
It all faded with time

(said but not spoken)
Till death
I bleed
In these bruised scabs
flies feed
Inside this stabbed heart
worms seed
All inside me
Hate breed
Avenge freed
Never plead
But I shall never plead

In rage I wake
From this mouth, the words of wisdom escape
If you can fix others
Well you think you can
Why don’t you fix yourself, father
you are equally broken

(said but not spoken)
Now I no more lie

What I learned out on the wild

2008-04-04T20:49:00.005-05:00

Nature is the only and thus the greatest teacher. And I guess I also learned a few of the things from this great teacher. But contrary to most of us, what I learnt was something different hence special. I learnt to pretend. I will be a greatest of the entire pretender, I will deceit you all. I need to be a good student, a proud one.
i looked at the ocean, it looked so beautiful, so poised...but hey, dont we know the deeper the ocean(the greater the commotion) the calmer it looks.....
i saw a dog barking loud with a fake aggression. but, arent we tired of hearing that the dog that barks dont bite?
lies and deception are never wrong, its not amoral. its our survival instinct. you gotta preserve. you gotta eat, and nature teaches us to kill, kill baby, kill,if you want to stay alive, kill 'em.
a fleeting thought crossed my mind, i envied animals- for they can camouflage. for they can lie to eat, lie to kill, and lie to live....and they are so perfect at it. even we humans are sometimes fooled by them, most of the time,inspired by them. an army's combat dress. them black stripes in the face. i envied chameleon- but not for long....there was an ephinany...how we are favoured by nature...like in all other instances, we again proved to be the superiors. those fuckin' animals are skin deep...we got the best of the camouflage, we can camouflage our mind....we are the actors, and we always pretend to be of some character.tigers have paws, we have mind....chameleon can dissolve in the physical environment, we can dissolve in the mental environment.
there is this evil inside all of us..a big one,infact....but then again, the go0d is great, when it needs to be...its like the pink and blue of chameleon. both really do not exist. if it profits to be good, we become good. if not, we become other. what if you had the glaucon's ring?
children master the art of deception. they know which mask to wear at what time. when to cry for attention, when to smile for chocolates, when to kiss for chocolates, when to laugh for chocolates. dont you believe in the freud's id? how its all id in children. but then why we call them innocent? arenot they supposed to be not innocent? maybe, maybe its the same reason why we call animals innocent. like animals camouflage, children’s' mask is skin-deep. They are relatively innocent.
so dear whoever who bothers to read my blog, which mask are you wearing today?

P.S- it took me more than a year to complete this article. It was around this time previous year, to be exact, march 8th 2007 that I sat down and began to write but due to the load-shedding I couldn’t complete it. I lost the ‘flow’. And here it is now, a replica of what I would have written that day, maybe. it's just a reconstruction.

untitled

2008-03-31T14:21:00.005-05:00

is this love that i am feeling,
or some fuckin' emotional disorder in fleeing?

new age lover

2008-03-24T13:59:00.003-05:00

i can sing hundred love songs thousand times
but mean nothing at all
i can promise hundred promises thousand times
but inside, i am a whore
i can show you brighter future to come
but then it's easy to disappear
i can please you all night long
but can't vouch if it's you in my head
i can, yes i can
cause i am a new age lover
let's trade my brother
with your sister

starting again

2008-03-24T13:53:00.006-05:00

i am starting again, with a realisation that i never was attempting to be wise...its just a place to empty your thoughts....engulf your thoughts before it engulfs you....and its much safer here than in facebook, too many prying eyes in facebook..like a society(social network) meant to be.

let me exit

2007-05-30T12:28:00.002-05:00

enough of my crappy attempts at being wise, this blog is on indefinite hiatus.

Junkie

2007-04-12T12:22:00.002-05:00

Through the moonlit sky
In the poised night
I fly in-hand with the stars that pass me by
And the cool breeze that gives me natural high

Through the sunburn day
And life’s commotion on bay
I struggle the shackles I can’t pass by
With narcotics on the blood
And self-induced poise of mind

How can we be kind?
We are of opposite kind

pokhara time again

2007-03-24T19:16:00.002-05:00

It’s Pokhara time again. My excitement knows no bounds. And the most beautiful experience of pokhara would be for sure fewa. Boating and swimming in fewa. It astounds us, in our previous visit we boated at least once for every day of the stay.
But still we became so childish and naïve and forgot the necessary things. Maybe we had let out our childish dreams. Smoking kills (but I never feel like living unless I am killing my self, we say we are “just killing time” but in fact its time that’s slowly killing us all) and if it was not for time we would have never realized what life means. So I will never stop smoking. Oh! Off topic. But if you smoke never forget a lighter. A match stick has many draw backs but the main would be the chance of getting it wet and thus wasted. The other thing would be not to forget the towel and a swimming trunk, if you plan to swim in fewa. And of course take your wallet off your half-pants.

And since we only had a vague plan to swim we had nothing with us. No trunks and towels. And moreover I forgot to take the wallet off my half-pants.
Lesson learnt.
In about an hour, my journey begins, I again wish myself for myriad of good times and self-discovery.
And again, smoking kills but who wants to live forever?

just like in movies

2007-03-22T12:28:00.002-05:00

Trekking days are coming near. And the excitement is escalating with each passing day. What appeals me most about trekking (though, literally, it’s my first trek) is the perfect blend of solitude and socialization. Just a guess and a hope. It must be impossible climbing (crawling) those steep slopes and blabbering at a same time. So even when in crowd it’s a solitary experience. And the evening, we got the whole evening to waste away with friends. In this case, with best of my friends. The other thing would be my long held desire to absorb the nature and to dissolve in nature. The picturesque and constantly moving scenery and a deep contemplating mind.
I would not like to set a goal, a target. Yea we have one pre-set target that is Jomsom. But I would not like to hurry myself to reach that goal. Cause it takes time to absorb and to dissolve. (The fact people of this ultramodern day have and in most case needs to forget.)Would not he be a fool if he walks to his office and back home for four whole hours when a bus does it in an hour? In this race to live we have forgot what life means. I would just like to take it slow and take it good. I may never get another chance. I need to seize it.
And the other drawback of setting a target, a goal would be “what after that goal is attained” “after that height is defeated”. The excitement will be nil. And the return trip, a bore.
All said and done. I wish my self a happy and content trip.(and hopefully the turn of events in the trek prove to be a good turning point of my life,just like in movies and books :)

The time is ripe

2007-03-15T12:04:00.001-05:00

We have got everything. Everything required of for another youth movement-a counter culture. We got authorities to blame to (and to blame them rightly) –politicians like Mr. Bush and our own dear Parents. We have got war-Parallel to Vietnam. The corrupt religion is still holding tight. Middle-class attitude is still prevailing. The rights of people are not yet respected. Moreover we have got the attitude. Do not you have a rebel inside? Rebel inside!!
Our generation is being known as the MTV generation, I pod generation-what a shame.
Earlier I had said we have got everything but still we have got nothing. What we need is another Allen Ginsburg, not Allen Greenspan-we have got that old fellow. We need neo timothy and neo Kerouac. We need great music. The hip-hop is not potent for instilling the rebelliousness. We need a fresh music. We also need great musicians. Musicians like Dylan, Joplin, grateful dead, Lennon, Gilmour. The popularity of discos and nightlife has given currency to drugs like ecstasy -the drug that wants to make you dance and fuck; we want the same old LSD -a revelation of drugs, a visionary drug.
So, we have everything yet we have nothing.
Do not you want to make a mark in the history or you prefer to be called MTV generation, I pod generation and likes. The time is ripe and it’s on us to let it decay or seize it.

Just because

2007-03-09T13:59:00.001-06:00

Because the dawn is black
Because I know there’s no turning back
Because the sky, it’s dull and grey
Because your heart, it’s grey and blunt
Because If I could re-do
I would still not -do
Because let me be me, you wont
Because wish you fare well, I won’t
Because I will only fare you
Fuck you
Annihilate you
Erase you
Free me

But because my hate is flawed
Because this freedom
Freedom from you is flawed
And this wings
These are synthetic and waxed
I may fly a while
But eventually I will fall down
Down In your filthy cunt
leased yet again 'till another attempt
leased yet again 'till eternity

I dedicate this poem to my love,my concubine, dearest, beloved, msn. But if you, any of you, can relate to it. Then don’t hesitate.relate to it. It may just be you.

i

2007-03-08T10:42:00.001-06:00

I would rather remain a drop. I would never die to become an ocean.
I would rather be a man alone, than a man adrift. A man obscured in the crowd.
River – they say have a direction. River- they revere. But I prefer to be a dew drop. How fragile may I be. Cause in the mass of drops a drop’s direction is lost. His identity raped.
Those with doubts Read physics, inquire about democracy.
The motion of a particle is erratic. And we are just a particle, unless we want to be “a particle”. Majority wins individuality fails.

For me I am all. And I mean it. Self-importance is paramount to me. After all it’s me I have to live with. I can share anything, anything with me. I need not hesitate. I need not think twice. I need not look composed when stressed or look calm when frowning. I need not hide anything. Cause I know it. Cause I can sense it and feel it.

When alone, you need not deal with this paradoxical world. Ones freedom fighter is another terrorist. I killed your daughter to save my mother. Does that make me a savior or a killer? I am no terrorist. I am a fighter. And I choose to fight this battle all alone and I fight it for me alone. And now I am my freedom fighter and I do not care what am I to you.

People sacrifice themselves for the sake of their reputation. Who has not sacrificed himself for the sake of his reputation?
Would not a decent looking and sari wearing and temple going women let out her animal carnal nature when alone? And is it not the society and its offspring, white light religion, which ask her to sacrifice this desire? For what? Her reputation as a decent woman. But I refuse to sacrifice my self.

I am sick of whispering good words to the bad ears. Lies and excess of it. It’s devouring me.
I am tired of people saying me what I am not. I am weary of being under-estimated and over-estimated.

“O Bibek, how do I look?”
“Pretty, as always”- I want to puke
“O Bibek, can you spare some time for me? Am stuck in the middle”
“Why not man! Am always by your side”- I got no time to spare
“O Bibek am bored to death, please entertain me”
“Ya Bro for sure”- death can’t be this boring

But since I know it is impossible to remain in one’s solitude, no matter how romantic it may seem. I need to be a social animal. I am a social animal. I hate homo-sapiens, I really hate ‘em but I can pretend well. Love you all, all you people.

temp

2007-02-20T12:18:00.003-06:00

(Part I untitled)
Painted the picture of self
Painted the smile on the face
The calm of mind
Serenity for eternity
Pictures are forever

What’s happiness?
Roses and daises in its rawness
So beautiful you want to hold it dear.
Forever

What’s sadness?
Cactus plant in the middle of the desert
All the needles out to hurt you
A scene you want to stay with you
For-never

What’s happiness?
A bunch of balloons high in the sky
So beautiful you want to watch it fly.
Forever

(Part II: Reviving the state of consciousness)

Aha, I forgot.
There’s calm before the storm
Momentary are the calms

Aha, I forgot
Roses and daises wilt.
They may bloom but cannot last.

Aha, I forgot
Cactus is immortal
And the needles get only sharper, not older

Aha, I forgot.
A prick and the balloon's gone
How high or how gracefully it may fly

Aha, I forgot
I forgot the picture in the hungry sun
The color’s fading
The smile wearing off
Damn I cannot even keep it well.

then and now.

2007-02-20T12:11:00.001-06:00

Here it goes
The image getting fainter, flatter
Here it goes
Though I never asked for so
But I know
Yes I know……

Here it goes,
The times I hoped
The times I dreamed
The times I feared
The times I dared

Here it goes,
The thought that if I feel blue in night
You were there to hold me tight

Here I am,
Every girl, every face
Every lips, every kiss
Reminds me of her
Reminds me of how I loved and failed
Reminds me of how I just let go of her

Had a bonfire last night, alone
The whiskey lying on the floor, imitating my position
The bottle’s hymen broke, I remember I broke it
And the girls too
But what does it mean any way?
Both empty and broken
Both left me intoxicated
And dry

Here I am,
On my knees, for the first time
Praying
Praying god or Satan- I care less
I am just praying
Praying to take the life off of me

Girija, the next Ghandi? (Lest it happens)

2007-01-22T12:58:00.001-06:00

On the macabre night of 1947 india got freedom. it was now a free nation. A sovereign nation. a nation led by Indians themselves. A leader elected by Indians. But, the success of the revolution, is shadowed by its division. India got freedom but also got divided. The then united Indians now are killing each other in the name of nation,religion and sect. Nepals revolution seems to be ending in similar fashion. partially successful.both divided at the end of the revolution. Its pitiful
Nepal is falling apart. Into tiny pieces. A country known so long for regional and social peace and harmony .a country that used to boast about its religious tolerance. Now is being split along social, ethnic, religious, and economic fault lines. We got freedom,or so called freedom. But did the prize suit the price? Maybe not.
The first price would be the backward political movement.Though it could be debated that twenty-first century democratic socialism(lok tantrik ganatantra) aint evil. its not similar to stalins or mao’s socialism.but the essence is socialism remains socialism. The system discarded by almost whole of the world. and still we are pround of hitherto movement of the world.
The second and maybe the worst price would be the deepening sectarian divide. A country already a stone between two boulders, as the founder of soon-to-be-ex-monarchy of nepal had said. And now with the onset of new nepal it may be the asteroids between Jupiter and Saturn. There is demand for a new pahad,a new madesh,new himalaya,new newar,new kiratee,new brahamin. It would be so very good if gastritis could be replaced by neophobia.(as the disease synonym to nepali, at least all the new,new fuzz would not be heard).
So are we, the nepalese, paying too much or is it some insignificant trauma of transition phase. Small hurdles preceding the big change.the real change.the grass-root movement. Or is it right what this song I am listening to says”FREEDOM LOOKS GOOD ON PAPER”

P.S to the brothers and sisters of madhes. Why are you asking for autonomy and not equality and fraternity, unity.what if all the minorities ask for autonomy? They won’t because they are not geographically privileged as you are. But still what if? And please heed this, even Brahmins and Chetris are minorities.

Idiots in Computer

2006-12-29T15:48:00.001-06:00

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes by rolling them into a typewriter to type on them.

4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was then heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told "Egghead" was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring that the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp: Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a "cup holder"?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped; it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, like at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!
Another well-known one that I can add is the true tale of the user who called up complaining that the instructions said to load the four diskettes into "Drive A" but he couldn't possibly get more than two in.

Veronika decides to die

2006-12-04T09:37:00.001-06:00

After years of longing to experience the madness in the reduced frame of time (or bliss of the momentary madness), after a solid year of wanting to read veronica decides to die and again after three months in possession of the book, I did it. Today I started it and am more than half way through it. It took me more than a year to read a book.why? Maybe at first it was that the man within was asleep (or ignorant)- I missed the first opportunity because I did not wanted to ask a girl for that book-and I even bothered not to search it on library or buy it. Maybe, I was hoping it to come to me someday. And after a year I got it. I got the book.then the man inside me took its toll. Or why else a husband involves himself on an extramarital affair when a gorgeous wife is waiting him at home, ready to heat his bed. In the time between I read another Coelho book, two sat II books and one-and-a-half sat I book.and was still thinking of reading yet another book.
The first time I read the synopses of the book (a year ago), I knew that it was my kind of book. I had always wondered-wondered how a mind of a lunatic works.how would it be to be mad. And about death,what if you knew you would die within a week? And the book had it all. I thought of madness like being drunk or under the influences of any chemicals. The only difference would be of people’s perspective. It would be either “muji jahadya,jhyap cha” or “bichara pagal raicha”. The first time I experienced the drunkness(actually not the first time but the first in respect that ,that time I was on the verge of blackout) my beliefs seemed so true to me.yes,drunkess could be equated with madness. Veronica,so far, is in accord with what I thought of madness-though at times it contradicts my beliefs,but again it reconciles with my imagination.yet,still I have not found the book the way I wanted it. But nobody gets what he wants-in the same size and shape. And my compromises are checked well by the knowledge I am absorbing-things I had not expected that book to deliver me.
I care less about the ending. Because I read Veronika for the path-the road-the process-the journey and not the destination. The end results are way too predictable. Since the girl (the protagonist) has poisoned herself on an attempt of suicide. And has luckily(or unluckily) failed and is now on a mental asylum. The doctors have told her that her days are numbered. So, at the end-either she dies, or lives normally-but as a completely (almost) different person. Or lives a bitter physical life-with all the ailments and out of order organs- but with a wise and experienced soul.

As I think of thinking: the art long so dead

2006-11-17T09:26:00.001-06:00

The greatest tragedy of our generation has been that of the non-contemplative life. A man sitting on a chair and staring outside the window would never assume to be working. No, thinking is not equated with work. Moreover, our generation tries their best to avoid being all alone-they do not prefer their company. Never let the mind do its working. Solitude is despised. After a hectic week people enjoy their weekend in the crowd. Drinking and dancing .loud and proud. But never would enjoy their solitude.
We try to avoid the slightest of the silence-denying the mind to live with itself, even briefly. Singtones entertaining callers on mobile, Radios on the car, televisions on waiting rooms.
What If Newton under his apple tree, or Archimedes in his bathtub, bought into that prejudice. What if Newton had reacted the way we would do, pick the apple rub it in the soldier and eat it? Slay it. (Courtesy: suraj)We would be denied of the universal law of the physics (and with it the modernity and the knowledge we are proud to posses) And the high speed motorboats and the luxurious cruise. Think about it. And Pascal’s Pensees (thought) that inspired millions. I am on the line to be inspired.
So, people of the “modern” world-lets embrace the solitude-the serenity of mind. Let it think. Please do not deny it of its privilege. Who knows there is another Newton on making? Another Archimedes within you -waiting to be unleashed.

Naked truth about Bibek. A man in making

2006-11-05T10:08:00.001-06:00

Autos(i love it this way,moreover i do not know the proper english word for this.)- filling them was so fun. Though I personally never had one. Now I have realized it’s significance-it may sound naïve but autos would be great. Just flipping some pages would allow us to re-live the past.
I, now, am trying to recollect those moments anew-this time imitating if I am preparing an auto and am filling the first pages.

The data (or whatever) below are honestly presented. I have never been this honest to anyone (except me). And it may even sound too honest to be good-but since I am not trying to be unnecessarily good to anyone it does not bothers me (and hopefully you).

I LOVE: foremost myself (I believe its same for most if not all)

I HATE: Despisers of the body

I FANTASIZE ABOUT: I will tell you later (but its not you since she is unknown of my existence let alone my blog space.);;and obviously not he.

FAVOURITE BAND: My musical taste is eclectic- I love Nepali adhunik to fusion to Hindi gazals to English metal to country to Celtic to grunge to psychedelic to anything.
But most importantly I look for intense voice and profound lyrics.

FAVOURITE MOVIE: I do not have any. (I love to watch movies, though I do not do it often) and while watching a movie its either I hate it or I love it (most of the times)
But since no movie has changed my life or lifestyle markedly, till date, I have no such favourite movie.

IF I HAD A CHOICE TO LIVE IN THE PAST OR THE FUTURE: I would go back to 1950s-preferable age-20. So, I could enjoy beat generation and hippie movement on my youth.

I WOULD NEVER TRY: Any hard ”synthetic” drugs except LSD or any mescaline containing drugs-I would never miss a chance but would make sure it’s never repeated.
I believe I have a good control over myself.

ABOUT RELIGION: I am a non-conformist. I have no faith in prevailing religions

ABOUT GOD: I am totally confused. I never remember god, never pray him\her deliberately but still in hard times I seem to remember him\her. (I am trying not to do so-since it’s a double edged sword, if god exist-he\she hates this kind of people, unless the god is the good god, and if he\she does not exist its futile)

ABOUT SOCIALIZING: I prefer solitude to socializing (though my action and words seems to contradict this,thanks to the people surrounding me)

FAVOURITE BOOK: Thus Spoke Zarathustra (Though I have completed about one third of it, still its my favourite.)- It’s the only Audio book I Possess.

EXPERIENCES: I have been the king I have been the clown (source-Ozzy Osbourne; but it relates well to me.)

ABOUT CHILDREN: I am not an orthodox jackass but I genuinely want a boy-if I have to have a single child.but i want multiples of them.both sexes.but not the third sex(with all respect to the third sex)

ABOUT DEATH: Universal-yet too complex to be comprehend by human brain

MY FEELINGS: are too intense. i love passionately,hate cruelly- but donot let my emotions do the talking(i conceal them) and at times even fake.quoth marilyn manson; when i say sweet i mean dirty.

I IDOLIZE: none, but i envy fews(very few)intellect and somes(some more) riches.

WHO KNOWS ME BEST: me still I know nothing

That’s it for today; I will be continuing this(probably). If anyone reads this, hopefully he\she will be inspired to do the same.
It feels really great!!!

Exothermic or Endothermic?

2006-11-03T10:15:00.001-06:00

Hate to say this-I started studying for SAT II- hate more,it lasted for mere 15 minutes. Interestingly in one of those 15 minutes, actually it’s the 15th minute I thought of a GREAT questions. A question so great that I was making plans about writing it down a personal essay to a seemingly unconventional college, college that believe in teaching the students from original texts (obviously discarding the popular curriculum and studying materials). And when the 15th minute was over, I rushed to the computer, connected to the Internet, and googled it hoping to see” Zero results found”.
To my dismay it did not happened but still I came across this brilliant masterpiece.
P.S.#1. I would like to give the name of the college but if any of the “bhabuk” bogarts read this post I am deprived of my dream college.so better keep it closed.

2. the answer may not be the answer-as it says to the bonus question of a mid-term exams. Even if its not the answer its great.

3. i also had similar answer to the question.

The question is:
IS HELL EXOTHERMIC OR ENDOTHERMIC?
This question doesnot sound great. Ha ha –bibek the fool.it must be the readers reaction but it’s great for me and the college I am applying to. The college that's Core readings include the works of Homer, Plato, Aristotle, Shakespeare, Descartes, Nietzsche, Dostoevsky, Kafka, and Woolf in the humanities; Lucretius, Lavoisier, Galileo, Newton, Darwin, Einstein, and Feynman in the natural sciences; and Machiavelli, Rousseau, De Tocqueville, Weber, Michel Foucault, Freud, DuBois, Wollstonecraft, De Beauvoir, and Arendt in the social sciences.
Since I had a qustion and a answer that was a blend of phlosophy,Theology,resoning,logic and physics(though all were absurd) it looked great-again,atleast to me.

The following is not my piece of writing but still the source is unknown-so call this mine.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased...

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A.

Questioning the monotheism of Christianity

2006-10-26T13:44:00.001-05:00

I assume the reader have basic idea about bible and Christianity. And even if not it really does not matter. Christianity is a monotheist, at least its what bible says but still the very bible poses the contradictory lines.
When the eve eats the fruit of wisdom and gives some of it to Adam, the original balance of paradise is said to be destroyed and adam and eve are are driven out of the paradise and cursed. The following are the exact copy from bible,”Behold,the man is become as one of us,to know good and evil…”
Assuming that god is one and only one –as in the Christianity- what does “one of us” means?
Do it hold any significance? Is this the error of the writers of bible and even so the bible is called the “word of god”-and if its god words,then there are two possibilities either there are more than one god or god erred. if there are more than one god ,then Christianity is a failed religion.it’s a bunk.let’s dispose it.let’s get rid of it.
An if god erred then whats the difference between god and man? It is popularly believed that only humans make mistakes. This forces us to believe god does not exist. So all the religions-all-the religion revolving around god must be a folly. A horror story that is no more fearful. Because there is abundance of people who care not about god. who care not about good or evil.worse, there are even more who justify their evil deeds in the name of the almighty. Such an irony.

Revelation!

2006-10-24T13:11:00.001-05:00

i am not an atheist. indeed I am a believer, devout believer.o lord,forgive me-i know you will,still if someday you don't i would rather kill myself.sorry o lord for i hated you so long. i mistaken you with the "god of the people" the popular belief god.and i believed the so called holy texts to be your accounts and i despised them.
Nah, I did not hated you for the reason others did-not for the torments and hatred,not for the sins and crimes,not for killings –I don’t care if all the vices be prevalent on the earth or all the people break all the ten commandments all the time. And I believe I don’t belong to the folk of the people who say they don’t believe in god to sound cool or to look like an anarchist. O lord I will never trouble you in the name of pleasing you. I will never fast-wont ever starve my self to please you. I would never do anything that is detrimental to my body or soul in the name of god.because I know who you are and what you look like.
You are me. You are the soul,the inner voice,my concise-and see the coincidence bibek means concise. is god omnipresent ? yes,he is-I said he because my god is “he” .you are within every human body.you are like people’s own personal jesus. I have my own so does others.